twenty eleven!

happy new year, peeps!

new year, new font. same ol' blog ;)

i am not making this a long post. i want to try and read for a couple of minutes before i go to bed. so, what to share?!

i saw this on an fb post (Unfortunately due to the gross amount of time i spend on fb, i don't remember who or where...) "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." --E.M. Forster  I put it on a post it note on my desktop (i'm talking the electronic kind on my computer... if only they could make my "stickies" in different shapes, then i'd really be obsessed) where i put all my random important thoughts.  so among the "Pray without ceasing" and the cd playlist i'm working on for caitlin's wedding gift (a little late?? maybe it will be a bday gift...) and the list of random quotes by kschwagg from OCMD09 staff, i now have this quotation.

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." --E.M. Forster

i've been reading some devotionals in the morning. you know, feeling extra motivated these days... and so much has been bringing me back to the word that seems to be my life word: Surrender. Surrender my plans to God's plans because I don't know what he's doing with me. And i might not be able to see the WHY for a reaaaaaally really long time. But God never calls me to know the why.  

life is not peachy keen for anybody. i don't care what it looks like on the outside. we are all haunted by our own failures and the failures of others. yet, time and time again, God calls us to cast our anxiety on him because HE CARES for us. He says STOP WORRYING. He says DO NOT FEAR. He says he is our COMFORT, our ROCK, our SHELTER, our PROVIDER and provides EVERYTHING we need for life and godliness. Our God is for you and for me, my friend. 

for a couple months, i really struggled with just getting by. work was so much pressure that i put on myself. trying to make all the right decisions to plan a wedding that will please everyone just got too exhausting. the thought of planning for marriage. using my time wisely. failing at being a good friend. i often listened to this song by Lifehouse and cried out to God. This would always stand out to me:

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I'm so used to living underneath the surface
If I could just see you
Everything would be all right...

But I didn't need to SEE God. I repeated His WORD over and over again, thinking that even though I didn't feel different, I knew it was true. I let people pray for me. And I read thru old journals, SEEING how GOD has transformed me over and over again. 

Again, I find myself not exactly sure why God has me where he has me. WHY this job? WHY now? WHY marriage (in a good way I say why!)? WHY NOT this or that?!  Why can't it be easier!?

So I start on this NEW YEAR with open palms to our God. Thankful for what he provides for me DAILY. Thankful for what he spares me DAILY. And thankful for HIS plan, not my own. What will 2011 bring for me?  BLESSINGS in a marriage, in friendships, in my family-- that's for sure! Who knows what else?! Who cares about my year goals anyway?!  Try and read more (though OBVI not tonight...), try and care less about what people think, become an educated voter, declutter... you know, the usual... 

But I'm learning to take it day by day. And see that being faithful in the small things lets me be faithful in the somewhat not so small things. 

 happy 2011, folks.