the biggest thing is that my time is no longer my time. "my time" consists of the couple hours after 8:30PM when all the kids are asleep, i've wiped down the kitchen, picked up toys, put the last load of laundry in and now i can just sit. and usually by that time i'm so tired all i want to do is disconnect. granted, MANY people have helped out so that i can have a couple hours here and there, but it's always dependent on other people's schedule. and i ALWAYS keep my phone on and with me. just in case...
people ask me if this makes me not want to have kids. "best birth control, right?!" if i had a nickle for every time that was said to me... well, no and yes. i mean, let's not be ridiculous. yes, i still want kids! do i want them within the visible near future?? hmm i don't think so. but that's why i'm not in that season yet.
i'm still too selfish. though, i've always thought of it that way, i feel like life might not happen that way. you don't just all of the sudden become less selfish and then have a kid. i feel like you see how much you can love the little being and your family and suddenly, having everything you want immediately becomes unimportant. i certainly have those precious moments with my little nuggets here. and the snuggles and sweet things and seeing them learn and love is priceless. but it's a glimpse into the reality of the unglamorous thankless job that is "mom."
sometimes i feel like this:
it's hard to have journal time whenever i want:
and i know there will be a day when my conversations don't revolve around the funny cute things said by "the kids."
Justine, It is definitely hard work being a mom but what I've learned over the last year is sometimes you have to be a little selfish being a mom! It sounds bad I know but if you don't lock the bathroom door sometimes you will not only go crazy but you will also start to resent your kids. Remembering who you are is so important apart from kids, granted you still change and most of you is your kids but you are still you. Anyway those are just my thoughts and one day when your ready you'll make a great mom, you can already make lunch while juggling a child and hold a conversation!!
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